So just as a caveat to start off, this applies pretty much to all relationships. A lot of the examples that we’re going to use are going to apply to romantic relationships, but just so that you understand, what we’re talking about can apply to gay relationships, straight relationships, friendships, and even sibling and familial relationships.
So let’s start. And we’re going to start with a kind of surprising premise, which is that the quality of your relationship actually has very little to do with your level of education, or how psychologically sophisticated you are, or whether you understand whether your parent’s marriage was good or bad. It actually has to do with something much more basic, which is how good are you at creating an emotional environment where both you and your partner feel close, where you trust each other, and here’s the key: Where each of you wants the other to get the most out of life.
I actually learned this from my wife’s grandparents, Jack and Helen, who were married for 65 years. They were Russian Jewish peasants basically, who knew literally nothing about psychology. But when they looked at one another, you could see in their eyes, that they put their bond with each other above their own selfish interests. READ MORE